Thursday, January 30, 2014

It's not you, It's me

Lately I have been getting very fed up with Simon. When it's time to go get out the door, he won't come. When it's time for bed, he's slow to put on his pajamas and prefers silly antics to brushing his teeth. I feel like getting to do anything or listen to anything I say is like pulling teeth. Maybe it's just his way of adjusting to life with Ebba. Of course his world has been turned upside down. He's not getting the attention he used to...

German Alps - October 2010
But then one day last week I was trying to help him get ready for bed and I grabbed him (hard) and brought him back to his bed. He looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, "Oww, Mom. You pushed me."
Sienna, Italy - September 2012
That's when I realized that it wasn't him at all, it was me. My whole world has been turned upside down too. I am not able to give him the attention I am used to being able to give to him. I struggle to find the patience that I once had for him. He struggles to see the mother he knew.
Hoi An, Vietnam - December 2012
He's been my one and only for so long, it's hard for both of us to adapt to all of the changes in our lives.

I have only just realized what has been the hardest part about adjusting from 1 to 2 kiddos. It's Simon. I miss him terribly. He's still here with me almost every day, but I miss him.
Amsterdam - November 2013 (Ebba's there too, just tucked away)
I know that this is a personal struggle for a lot of moms. I have been getting out my trusty Love and Logic book to help me find my empathetic words, rather than my angry words. I'll be happy to read you a story once you've brushed your teeth and put on your pajamas. And I remind myself that he is just acting his age, and it is unfair for my expectations to change overnight. 

But at the end of the day, Simon still wants snuggles and hugs and kisses from his Mama. I have no illusion that he loves me less, he just wants more of me. And I can't blame him.