We just got back from our first real vacation as a family of four. We decided to keep it simple and do a beach vacation in Mallorca, Spain. Turns out it wasn't exactly a beach vacation, as we were staying a ways from the beach. In addition, Simon was sick and not allowed to swim for the first half and Ebba is a mess at the beach with her serious rock and sand eating disorder. But, in the end, it was a success!
Our house was located just outside the small mountain village of Bunyola. It seems like it's on no one's radar, which suited us just fine. We went into town every morning and had coffee, fresh orange juice, ensaimadas (the local breakfast pastry), and bocadillos.
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We went to the same place every morning, where they knew Simon's name and he insisted on paying. The first time he paid came out, quite proud of himself, and told us, "I said danke schön." Not sure how he managed to say thank you in German rather than Spanish, but it was pretty amusing. He did stick to gracias after that.
Mallorca is quite a hot spot in Europe. Beautiful beaches and warm weather bring throngs of tourists to the island. Lucky for us we stayed to the west among the Serra de Tramantuna mountains, which caters to a more laid back, outdoorsy crowd. The drives were stunning (and challenging and sort of terrifying) as we had to descend from 700 meters directly down to beaches below. One hairpin turn was 270 degree, with the road winding under itself. But the drives were worth it with beautiful cove beaches surrounded by forested mountains.
Cala Tuent
Cala Deia
We also loved having a house as our home base. We enjoyed lazy days by the pool, sometimes while both kids napped (or watched a movie) inside. It also gave both kids plenty of space to move around. Simon earned his keep as big brother by keeping Ebba away from the stairs and making sure she didn't get outside without one of us. She sure tried.
Best big brother. Lucky little sister.
In the end it felt like a vacation, even with 2 kids, and one of them sick. We were away from the monotony of our daily lives, away from work, away from school pick-ups and drop-offs, and the endless "to-do" list that is always there when you are in your own house.
This was a really good first vacation for this family of 4. Can't wait for the next one!
We are already one week into our visit to Minnesota. Jet lag is behind us, and the unbearable heat and humidity is upon us. So we're off to a good start!
At the airport in MN - we made it!!
We are each experiencing this trip to Minnesota very differently. For Ebba, it's her first time in the US and she's enjoying lots of new experiences and new people. She thrives under the extra attention and seems to have grown tremendously in just a week. She hates her car seat but it's a fact of life here, so she's going to have to learn to live with it. We started solids here and she has eaten apples, asparagus, green beans, chicken, banana, sweet potatoes, and carrots. She loves it! Well, if not the taste, then the process.
For Simon, Minnesota is the place where Mormor and Grandpa live. I can see how much he loves getting attention all for himself, not having to share an adult with his little sister all the time. I can't blame I'm. And you wouldn't guess that he doesn't see his grandparents very often because he is soooo happy with them.
The last time Simon was here he was 2, so it's likely he doesn't really remember much. So this trip is making a big impression, and it's fun (and funny) to watch what he experiences here. For example, when he woke up the first morning he couldn't get out of him room and began knocking loudly and calling for Mormor. We don't have door knobs, we have levers so this whole door mechanism is entirely new to him.
After his visit to the toilet Simon informed me that there was no way to flush the toilet. The levers found on most US toilets are different from the large buttons on most European toilets.
And when we passed my old college (Go Mac!!), he asked me the greatest question. "Mama, was your school in English or Dutch?" I replied that my school was in English. In a rather begrudging tone, he responded, "Oh, at my school they only speak Dutch." That was not the last I heard of it that day. I think he continues to mull over the fact that there are schools in English.
And for me? Well it feels good to be home. The bacon and the donuts are as good as I remembered them.
Somehow I haven't had Mexican food yet, but I hope to remedy that soon. I was extremely disappointed while grocery shopping at Whole Foods to suddenly realize that a pound is about half of a kilo. Doh! I have done a bit of shopping, something I almost never do in Amsterdam. The abundance of crap available at incredible clearance is overwhelming. But I bought a pair of Nike running shoes for $6.80. Gotta love America!
And with grandparents around I feel a great sense of relief. That extra set of hands has been amazingly helpful. As I write this, Simon and Mormor are at a play at the Children's Theater while Ebba naps. We have been to Minnehaha Falls, the Arboretum, and the Como Zoo.
How did this happen? When did this happen? Just yesterday I swear I had this cute little toddler, and now I am the mama of a real little boy. Who is 4 YEARS OLD!!
Birthday morning...cakes and pressies!
And it really is a big deal. I am not just saying it in that mama way that every birthday is a big deal. Which it is. I mean it's a REALLY BIG DEAL. Why? Because we live in the Netherlands. And what does that have to do with anything? Well, in the Netherlands kids start school at age 4. At age 4. The day after they turn 4 they start school. So, yes. Throughout the year, there are kids starting all the time, as they turn 4.
Birthday boy biking home! (1.5 miles)
So let me explain a few things as I understand them. First, let's just talk about the word school. I have found that every country has a different system, they have different words for the same things, but in the end they are all quite similar. In the US, it seems everyone is sending their kids to "school" from about age 1. Fine. In Germany, kids go to Kindergarten from 3-6. And in Sweden, kids attend dagis up until they turn 6. But in all of these systems, around the age of 6, kids start what would be considered the formal education system and something like 1st Grade.
Ready for school!
It's really the same here. Simon is in Groep 1-2. This means that Groeps 1 and 2 are combined, so it includes kids from 4-6. It is similar to preschool or kindergarten, and focuses on playing, social interaction, and introducing the kids to a bit more structure. But here, it's school. Simon's school, De Kleine Reus (The Little Giant), has more than 500 students up to the age of 12. It's the real deal.
I have to admit that leading up to Simon starting school, I was a bit nervous. I am always telling other mamas not to worry about their kids learning the language, it's so easy for young children, etc. But I found when it came to my own little man, I had some anxiety. Admittedly I am projecting my adult conscious onto his experience, trying to imagine being thrown into a room of nearly 30 peers who I really want to like me, but with whom I cannot verbally communicate. It sounds so intimidating, and it has given me a whole new respect as to how brave my little man is.
First day!!
That isn't to say that has been easy, but Simon seems quite happy. He had been going to a Dutch creche two days a week for 6 months, so I know that he has some understanding of the language. We are a week and a half into school right now, and he isn't so keen on me leaving him. But he does let me leave. And when I pick him up he is happy and full of energy, so I know that it's a happy place for him. Kids are so resilient, and I hear him saying new words every day. Wow. He is so strong and brave. I admire him so much.
But I can see that it's not easy for him. When I picked him up on Tuesday I saw a sad little boy. When his eyes met mine he burst into the saddest tears I can ever remember seeing. I, too, was close to tears on seeing this. But when I bent down to find out what had happened, he told me, "I can't find my pink star." So while that is quite sad, it was a lot better than, "Some boy pushed me on the playground" or "They were mean to me today." Of course, I can see how losing this pink star could be symbolic of deeper challenges. Did he show it to someone who took and didn't give it back? And then he didn't know how to ask for it back? Oh how the mind wonders...
And he also hasn't gone to the bathroom at school. And I am not talking #2. Just potty. I ask him every day and he says, "I don't speak Dutch," or, "I don't know how to ask." That's tough. But he'll learn. He is so strong and brave.
I am proud of my son. So very proud of him. And so I took him to Kirmes on Wednesday, our day off for now, and spoiled him rotten.
Oh, and Ebba is doing just fine. Thanks for asking. She's 4.5 months - and quite a cute little peanut.
One of the best parts of living abroad is learning about, and participating in the holidays and traditions that your new home celebrates. And one of the challenges of living abroad is hanging on to and finding ways to celebrate holidays and traditions that exist in your homeland. Immediately following Ebba's birth was a whirlwind of holidays, old and new. For Simon, they were all new. He's finally at an age (and we're not traveling SEA) to really participate in and enjoy the holidays.
Halloween
Given Simon's love for Mike Wazowski (MW), it's not surprising that we kicked off the fall holiday season with Simon dressed as MW for Halloween. I had of course expected to go trick-or-treating with Simon for the first time in October, but Ebba's arrival meant that I stayed home while Martin took him out. I was disappointed, especially as I had made a little Baby Wazowski costume to cover my pregnant belly that I was never able to put to use.
Amazingly, the expat community has organized a trick-or-treating route in one of the central neighborhoods of Amsterdam. Hundreds of kids participated and Simon was giddy to come home with a small pile of candy.
Sint Maarten
Sint Maarten, on November 11, could be considered the Dutch equivalent of Halloween, just based on the fact that it involves going house to house and collecting candy. The children don't dress up, rather they make lanterns that they use to guide their way through the street as they sing traditional Sint Maarten songs in order to receive their candy. Simon had learned a few of the songs at creche, but he couldn't keep up with how quickly the Dutch kids sang. Still, he was happy to be collecting candy again. (This was also Ebba's first venture out of the house!)
Simon and his lantern
Sinter Klaas
As if Simon hadn't had enough sweets and treats, Halloween and Sint Maartens were peanuts compared to what was next to come. SINTER KLAAS!!! I would have guessed that Sinterklaas was some Dutch equivalent to Santa Claus, and I would have been wrong.
Sinter Klaas is actually Saint Nicholas, which I was familiar with as I used to leave my shoe out on December 5 so that Saint Nick would fill it with a pack of starbursts or skittles. It was a small, fun little thing leading up to the main event - Christmas! But not here...not at all.
I still don't have the story completely straight, but I do know that Sinterklaas arrives from Spain in November, a few weeks before December 6, which is actually the day that he leaves. He arrives by boat to great fanfare and has a grand parade around the city, which conveniently passed just a few blocks from our flat.
Waiting for Sinterklaas
Here he comes!
While he's in the Netherlands he spends his time leaving gifts in children's shoes around the country. How often and what kind of gifts depends entirely on the family. Given that he is in town for several weeks, it's not likely that he comes every night. December 5 is pakjes avond (present night), and is usually a time for Dutch families to celebrate together and exchange gifts.
Conveniently for us, Sinter Klaas passed by our local pub on pakjes avond with gifts (prearranged by parents) for all the kids that attended. As foreigners it was the perfect way to celebrate this new holiday. Simon was a little intimidated by Sinterklaas in the beginning, but once he warmed up he was so excited. He was also impressed that Sinterklaas spoke English! How lucky for us.
And one other detail, that I am not going to get into right now, is that Zwarte Piet (or Black Pete) accompanies Sinter Klaas. He is dressed in blackface....but the Dutch will assure that it's not offensive or racist in the least. It just happens to make the rest of the world extremely uncomfortable. I will let David Sedaris enlighten you a bit and we can discuss again at some future point.
Thanksgiving
What's amazing about living in the Netherlands is that we have FAMILY here. While my roots are Dutch, that's not where this family comes from. My sister's husband's cousins live here, and they are now my cousins. It's wonderful to have family around, and since they are half American we decided to celebrate Thanksgiving together. It was a little unorthodox, as we went for spaghetti and meatballs instead of turkey, but Ebba was just a few weeks old and we decided simple was better. We hosted at our house but I didn't cook or clean. That's why family is amazing!
My cousin Lena with Ebba.
Christmas
After Sinterklaas departed on December 6, we started gearing up for the next big thing - Christmas. This also meant the arrival of Grandma, or Mormor
Simon got to meet Santa Claus, who was impressed with his two Christmas wishes, which were a book and a dog bone for his soft toy dog. Needless to say, Simon's list grew as he realized he could just add any item to his list.
Having Grandma in town was a HUGE help. Like a mama who has been there before, she didn't mind holding a crying baby and giving this mama a nice break. Ebba was still really fussy during this period, so it was much needed. Grandma is also a lot of FUN, and Simon couldn't get enough of his new roommate.
But we didn't just sit around the house, we took a trip to Brussels to check out the Christmas market there. For Simon it was a little piece of heaven. He got to ride the carousel over and over, a ferris wheel, and the alpine slide. (He even snuck a free ride on the alpine slide - proud Mama!) He got to see Mannekin Pis (boy going potty) in person, something he had seen in his new Maps book and was quite looking forward to. Dinner was waffles followed by an ice cream cone. What a life!
Most amazing carousel EVER. This rocket ship went through the roof!!!
We celebrated Christmas at home, small and quiet. It was the first time we (Martin and I) have ever had a Christmas tree. We enjoyed not traveling for the holidays, and Martin took nearly 2 weeks off of work.
Needless to say, Ebba's birthday kicks off a pretty serious holidays season in our house. And that doesn't even include Santa Lucia, a Swedish holiday on December 13. I guess we'll add that to the mix next year, though!
Lately I have been getting very fed up with Simon. When it's time to go get out the door, he won't come. When it's time for bed, he's slow to put on his pajamas and prefers silly antics to brushing his teeth. I feel like getting to do anything or listen to anything I say is like pulling teeth. Maybe it's just his way of adjusting to life with Ebba. Of course his world has been turned upside down. He's not getting the attention he used to...
German Alps - October 2010
But then one day last week I was trying to help him get ready for bed and I grabbed him (hard) and brought him back to his bed. He looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, "Oww, Mom. You pushed me."
Sienna, Italy - September 2012
That's when I realized that it wasn't him at all, it was me. My whole world has been turned upside down too. I am not able to give him the attention I am used to being able to give to him. I struggle to find the patience that I once had for him. He struggles to see the mother he knew.
Hoi An, Vietnam - December 2012
He's been my one and only for so long, it's hard for both of us to adapt to all of the changes in our lives.
I have only just realized what has been the hardest part about adjusting from 1 to 2 kiddos. It's Simon. I miss him terribly. He's still here with me almost every day, but I miss him.
Amsterdam - November 2013 (Ebba's there too, just tucked away)
I know that this is a personal struggle for a lot of moms. I have been getting out my trusty Love and Logic book to help me find my empathetic words, rather than my angry words. I'll be happy to read you a story once you've brushed your teeth and put on your pajamas. And I remind myself that he is just acting his age, and it is unfair for my expectations to change overnight.
But at the end of the day, Simon still wants snuggles and hugs and kisses from his Mama. I have no illusion that he loves me less, he just wants more of me. And I can't blame him.
Yes, I am coming out from hiding, just for a brief moment, to say hello.
Hello!
We, my family of four and I, are here and...surviving. We are tired, and sometimes hungry, but we are here. It has not been an easy start with dear Ebba who is already 2 MONTHS OLD!!
So what have we been up to? Well, let me tell you that aside from both Simon and Ebba being born early, they don't have much in common yet, which makes this whole parenting thing tricky. Anything I thought I knew, I have quickly learned that I didn't know or wasn't responsible for. It's nature vs. nurture at it's finest, people. Nature is winning right now.
Love her happy face.
It was a bumpy start with our little girl. She couldn't maintain her body temperature and was too small/immature to breastfeed. I spent 3 frustrating weeks pumping 8 times/day, getting up in the middle of the night to pump and then finger feed, bottle feed, or feed her from a feeding tube attached to my breast. I was exhausted and losing hope that she would ever figure it out. And then she DID and now what seemed like an insurmountable problem was really just a little hiccup.
During that time Ebba slept nearly all the time, catching up on that growing that she should have been doing in utero. But then something changed. She became much fussier and started spitting up during and after every feeding. She can no longer fall asleep on her own, or sleep on her own for that matter. I ended up with her sleeping on top of me at night. If I put her down she would spit up all over herself, and I couldn't stay awake to simply hold her. It's still a work in progress, one that I would clearly like to change. Sleep is a big issue for both of us right now. :)
Tea party!
I am trying to find the source of her unhappiness, hoping that it's a food allergy or sensitivity to something that I am eating. I have cut out dairy, but I am not convinced that's the culprit. When I asked the pediatrician here about it, he suggested I was simply feeding her too much. There may have been some truth to that, but that's not all. We have one unhappy little girl much of the time. :(
But all that aside, we are still adjusting pretty well to our new family of four. In order to keep up with Simon, I wear Ebba most of the time. This means I can still help Simon ride his new big bike (with pedals!) and play at the park, while Ebba is snuggled against me under my jacket.
This is how we roll.
And of course we don't do this all without help. BB, one of my Dusseldorf friends, came for 2 nights to help cook and give me a chance to rest. Grandma also came for 3 weeks, and I got to spend Christmas with someone from my family for the first time since 2009! It had been 17 months since we had last seen Grandma, so it was a long overdue visit. And of course she did what Grandma's do best, she held a crying baby with no complaints and only sweet words of solace, while Mama got a chance to nap or cook or play with Simon. We started missing her about 3 minutes after she left. Come back, come back!!
Ebba looking up to her Grandma
We have good days and bad days. There are the wonderful moments when she smiles, and I anticipate all the smiles and giggles and cuddles that are soon to come. In some ways, of course, this is all familiar territory. But Ebba is her own person, she is not Simon, so in many ways we are starting over. We're still getting to know each other right now, and I think that we are going to get along just fine.
Six years ago today, I attended my first birth. I was invited by close friends to be a part of this amazing day of their lives, and it was truly amazing. It was the mama's 3rd birth and her 3rd natural birth. She was brave and she was strong and she inspired me. It is very empowering to watch a live birth, especially a natural birth where you see how a woman's body is built to give birth. Not without pain or pressure or discomfort, but with strength and beauty and power.
I knew for sure from that day that I would seek natural child birth for my own birthing experiences. And I want to share the story of Ebba's arrival to simply share the joy of child birth and her arrival, which was perfect.
Ebba’s Birth Story
When I woke up that morning, giving birth was not even on my mind. The wind had been howling like crazy all night, and I was trying to figure out if I could even stay upright on my bike to get Simon to creche. Luckily, Martin had a dentist appointment that morning and so he dropped Simon and I off near his creche. I decided I would take trams to run a few errands.
I don’t know what would have happened if I had just stayed home, but I didn’t. It turns out that the crazy wind was part of a “code red” storm, with wind gusts of up to 160 km/hour. People were advised to stay home, and stay off bikes. I saw people blow over on their bikes and was very glad that at 8 months pregnant I had decided to stay off my bike for the day.
I dropped off 6 bags of Halloween candy for a community organized Trick-or-Treat Event that we were planning on going to for Halloween. I stopped by the Kraamzorg (home maternity nurse) office to let them know that I was 36 weeks pregnant and still hadn’t done my intake, and then I headed toward the center to run a few errands. I was trying to be productive on the 2 days/week I had without Simon, knowing these alone days were soon to be no more. (I had no idea how soon!)
But after a few minutes the tram stopped and announced that it was not going any further. A tree was down along the tracks so service was suspended. I continued walking to the center with everyone else. I saw a tree down in one of the canals. But I continued walking. Tram lines from the center to my house were still running, but I decided to get one thing done first. By the time I got back to the trams, all tram lines (and all trains in and out of Amsterdam) had been canceled. I had no choice but to walk home. I picked up some lunch and made it home, finally taking notice that I was feeling a bit off. By this time, I had been walking around the city for nearly 2.5 hours...
I had had a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions weeks 30-34, especially when walking, so I hadn’t really paid that much attention to the contractions I was having that morning. But as I sat down and turned on a movie, I decided I needed to pay attention. I downloaded an app for timing contractions, and quickly saw that they were 7 minutes apart. I laid down for a while and then took a bath, hoping this was just false labor brought on by all of the walking that morning.
When I got out of the bath, my contractions were less than 5 minutes apart. I realized I needed to do something, but I was still sort of in denial. I called Martin and told him he needed to get Simon at creche. When he asked what time he had to pick him up by, I told him I would prefer he leave now as I may be in labor. He was on his way.
I called my midwife who informed me she was on her way. This made me feel very good, to know that someone was coming to my house to assess the situation and help us make a decision about what to do next.
I started packing a hospital bag, with no idea what you are supposed to bring. I found the smallest baby clothes I could, a pair of loose pants for myself and some extra socks and threw them together in a bag.
Now I was most concerned with what to do with Simon. I made some calls to see who was available to come take care of Simon, and when they could get here. This was complicated by the fact that the city was in chaos with no public transport, trees down everywhere, and traffic at a virtual standstill. But thankfully my AMAZING cousins Lena and Emma came through, along with our neighbor Ans, and my mind was at ease that Simon would be in good hands.
Somehow I also managed to find a few minutes to Skype with my dad. I did not tell him what was going on, even though I was secretly tapping away at my contractions app to keep track of things.
Martin made it home with Simon, and shortly after the midwife arrived. She checked me and found that I was 2 cm dilated. Because I was only 36 weeks pregnant, this meant that we needed to head to the hospital. We called a cab and finally headed to the hospital at 5:00 pm. I got a hold of our doula, Jennifer, while we were enroute and she too headed to the hospital.
By 5:30 we were at the hospital and they were monitoring me to see if I was “really” in labor. Natasha, the hospital midwife said she would come back to check on me in an hour. However, in the next 20 minutes or so my contractions became considerably more difficult. My midwife contacted Natasha who immediately admitted us to delivery room “Florence.” We got settled in and my contractions continued to strengthen. The hospital midwife checked me again at 6:30pm and I was still 2 cm. While this could have been disheartening, I could feel the way my body was working and I knew that my little girl would be arriving shortly. My midwife from the Geboortecentrum left, as any time a birth becomes “medical” the hospital midwives take over care.
Jennifer and Martin supported me as contractions strengthened. Jennifer gently applied pressure to my back and Martin stayed in front of me, encouraging me and squeezing my hands. I was very focused on breathing, and was soon focused on that alone, blocking the rest of the world out.
At 7:55pm Natasha came in again to check me. I was now 5 cm dilated, and she said she would be back in 2 hours to see how things were progressing. I was clearly well on my way to having this baby.
At this point I decided I wanted to be on the toilet. I labored there for probably 25-30 minutes. I would not let Jennifer or Martin leave my side, as the contractions were almost constant now. Jennifer wisely suggested we move back to the bed, and I am not even sure how I managed to walk that far, but we made it.
I leaned against the bed for support, and things started changing rapidly. With each contraction I could now feel Ebba’s head charging through the birth canal. It was the most intense thing I have ever experienced! Natasha came in and found that I was fully dilated. My waters broke and I was bearing down with each contraction. Everyone helped me up onto the bed and within about a minute Ebba was born! I was standing on all fours, and I wouldn’t even say that I had to push. My body was doing the work and I just let it push her out on its own. I watched her slide right out of me...it was so beautiful! My little girl was finally here at 8:37pm!
Simon’s birth was so medicalized, and so far from what I had hoped for from a birthing experience. But it was what it needed to be, and I had made peace with that.
Proud big brother!
However I really wanted something different from this pregnancy. I wanted to experience pregnancy and birth to the fullest, but Ebba decided 36 weeks was her max. (Apparently my uterus is not all that cozy.) Nonetheless, I got what I was looking for. I experienced a totally natural birth, with no interruptions and no interventions. I was surrounded by supportive people who believed in me and my body and made it possible to have this amazing experience.
Most importantly I completely surrendered to my body, and my body knew exactly what to do. I never doubted myself or let fear enter my realm of focus. I have never loved my body as much as I did during those 2 hours! There is no other right of passage for a woman, or a human being, that can come close to the exhilaration of natural childbirth. I am so happy that I experienced it and got to welcome Ebba into the world as gently and naturally as I could!
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