My Blended Family (Part 1)

You might be wondering, how did this great trip to Mozambique and South Africa come about? Well, it comes down to my blended family. My sister Marie's husband Khiza is originally from Zimbabwe. A close family friend from Zim was getting married in Mozambique, so the Mazwi clan decided to make into a big, blended family trip! All families were invited (i.e. - sister of sister-in-law) relational distinctions are unimportant - we're all family! I have tried to illustrate it below.

Simon was so excited to see his Aunt Marie and Uncle Khiza - whom he hadn't seen in just over a year - since he was just an itty bitty guy. We all reunited in the Jo'berg airport and managed to get everyone and all our luggage checked through to Mozambique. Let the adventures begin!

We spent 5 days in Vilanculos at Archipelago Resort. It was winter there, so the days were short, and the weather was pleasant but not too warm. The Mazwi's reconnected with old friends from Zim, and the rest of us made new friends. The highlight was definitely the boat ride to some of the big, sandy islands in Bazaruto National Park. On board were 2 babies and no life jackets, but the waters inside the reef weren't too rough, and the rocking waters and humming motors lulled the little ones to sleep. Some opted for a snorkeling trip (including 5 month-old-Hanna), which turned out to be a bigger (and not so welcome) adventure. We headed out to large swells at 2 mile reef, and when the driver said "hop in," we did, but quickly realized this was not the safest situation. Marie and I agreed to just hold hands the whole time, if not we would lose each other within 10 seconds. We often couldn't find the boat among the large swells, and were relieved when they rounded us all up and headed back to the island.

So while the snorkel trip was a bit of a bust, the following picnic lunch was not. I would show you pics, but I lost my camera on the last day of the whole trip. :(

The day after the wedding (we were there for a wedding - Mazwi family friends) we headed back to the airport for a full day of travel to get to Port Elizabeth, where our South Africa adventures began. (See next post.)

Castles along the Rhein

One of the best things about living in Düsseldorf is its central location in Europe. Amsterdam, Brussels, Paris, Berlin - they're all just around the corner. This weekend we took advantage of a long weekend to explore a beautiful part of Germany known as the Mittelrhein, a UNESCO world heritage site covering 45 miles of the Rhein valley. Around each bend it seems another stunning castle appears, and below a quaint German village.

View from above Boppard.

We stayed in the small village of Boppard, and spent the first day hiking through the hills and taking a chair lift to a scenic overlook. Pappa was definitely more nervous on the chairlift than Simon. The next day we took a 2 hour boat ride along the Rhein, from Bacharach to Boppard, and got to see the castles from the river and enjoy some beautiful sunshine! Simon was sick the whole trip - but he didn't let that get in the way. We were home by 5:30 on Saturday - it was just an overnight trip, but it was perfect!

Family photo!

Pics here.

May 10th

May 10th was Simon's due date, so technically Simon just turned one again celebrating his adjusted age birthday. It was an excuse to bake chocolate chip cookies and share them with friends at our regular Tuesday meetup.

Now, let me be clear that it was not a shameless plot to get more attention for Simon and have another party, it's actually kind of a big deal. To me, that is. This first year, it definitely is another milestone. It feels like I can just let go and let Simon be his real age. But for me, his mother, May 10th will always be the date he missed by 11 weeks. My spring baby born in winter.

You look at Simon now, and there is nothing preemie about him. He is bigger than some kids his real age, and definitely looks like any other one-year-old out there. So in a sense - it's over. He doesn't need any special preemie care or doctor appointments any more, he's just like any other kid.

But the thing is, for me, it will never be over. I don't mean that in the sense of his development - I agree he's just like any kiddo his age. It's just that it was a big deal. It happened to me. It was my baby that came early, that couldn't stay in there any longer, that laid in a hospital for 45 days and spent EVERY NIGHT alone, without his mother. 

For me, May 10th will always be a day when I think of Simon and how lucky we are that things have turned out the way they have. 

Happy Mother's Day!

In honor of Mother's Day yesterday, pappa and Simon prepared a little scavenger hunt around the house with a prize at the end. I was very surprised and excited, running around trying to figure out the clues - and get to the end of course. Nearly every clue included a picture of Simon. At the end - my long lost shoe! I had been missing one of my shoes but knew it was somewhere in the house, but Simon (pappa) found it! It was perfect - I was so happy!

Then we went out and watched the Ddorf marathon (always inspiring!), Simon took a nap, and we went to Auermühle for cake and a Krakauer (brat). A fabulous Mother's Day in the 11th best country to be a mother.

Save the Children put out its 12th Annual Mothers Index, which analyzes health, economic and educational conditions for women and children in 164 countries. Scandavia is a mother's haven, with all countries ranking in the top 10 - Norway (#1), Iceland (#3), Sweden (#4), Denmark (#5), and Finland (#7). And where is my good old motherland? Down there at #31, consistently coming in as one of the worst ranked developed countries. High infant and maternal mortality rates, poor early childhood education, and a maternity policy known as "the least generous of all wealthy nations" are major contributing factors to this low ranking.

And to be honest, it's something I have been thinking about since moving to Germany. Not where the US ranked on the Mothers Index (although let's be honest - no surprises there), but how these more generous maternity policies shape the experience of being a mother.

When I gave birth to Simon, the choice was easy for me. I was moving to a new country and didn't have a job - so I would stay at home. I was so happy and realized what a gift it was. But of course I am not getting paid, so it requires an adjustment of our expenses. And I don't have a job to go back to, so it does leave a gap in my resume and an uncertainty about my professional future.

On the other hand, for those in Europe that have one year of paid maternity, the stakes are quite different. Often they begin maternity leave 6 weeks before the due date, and stay at home until the baby turns one. All this time they are getting paid (not full salary - a percentage with a cap), but it's something. And then, when your baby turns one, your job is still there - you get to go back to work. And often times, now your hubby gets a chance to stay home with your kiddo for a while - maybe 2 months, or another year.

For me, that's the best of both worlds! You get to be a stay-at-home mom for a year, and then you have the opportunity to go back to work if you want. Not ready to go back to work? Many countries will hold your position for up to 3 years (unpaid after one) to give you more time at home. They also often have flexible hours upon return so that you are not thrown into full-time work right away.

Now, I am not advocating that the U.S. can simply adopt these same policies. They operate under entirely different systems and for different political reasons (low birth-rates among them). I just want people to see how different the experiences are, and understand that American women are not being bad mothers or making bad choices for their babies when they go back to work after 12 weeks. Most American women have to choose between staying at home and going back to work - they can't do both. Therein lies the difference....

Boulangerie, Patissierie....Oui, oui!

Hard to believe it's May 1st today and April is already behind us. I was talking to my sister today (Marie) and we agreed it should be March, not May. How time flies!

Anywho, I wish it was March so I could do April all over again. It was that good. It started off with a weekend in Bussum, the Netherlands, where we did a pre-birthday celebration with my cousin whose birthday is a day after mine (April6, April 7). We were supposed to check out the famous tulips, but due to a cold spring they were blooming late. So instead we checked out the crazy Dutch bike culture (ie. Mama bikes) and ate pannekoeken.

Next we headed to Antibes, France (near Nice) to celebrate my mother-in-law's 60th birthday. This meant that we arrived on my birthday, in time to have lunch in the warm sun, eat some delicious French cake, and get some shopping in. :)

The next day was Antonietta's big day - and we celebrated as a family (minus Magnus who is living in NYC) and found a restaurant with 3 highchairs. Needless to say we went back there several times as a place that could guarantee we wouldn't have squirmy, messy kids on our laps and we could maybe even enjoy a glass of wine. The whole weekend was very relaxing, filled with good food and good family. We didn't really do anything, except walk around, make sure our kids napped, and stop at every other patisserie (that was just me though). I did discover a sugar covered donut stuffed with nutella - need I say more? (Pics here).

So the only thing that made leaving Antibes easier was knowing that in just another week and a half we would be heading back to the land of patisseries to join the Stirling Palm's (is there a hyphen or what?) for a long weekend in Reims, the champagne region of France. We really managed to have the perfect weekend, with the SP's arriving early and able to kick the jetlag straight away, perfect weather, amazing food, and a great place to stay (La Parenthese). We toured champagne houses, drove through the vineyard-filled countryside of Champagne country, ate a lot, and had Easter lunch at a chateau with a MOAT! Pretty cool. (Pics here).

Simon enjoyed the late nights, where dinner started at his bed time, and he got to sample seafood risotto, pigeon, chocolate mousse, lamb - or whatever we were eating. He was so smitten with the French lifestyle that he forgot to be cranky - for which we were very greatful!

(Trooper award goes to Hanna - 20 weeks pregnant and she flew all the way over to France for 4 nights. Given her dedication to her friends, she will be a fabulous mother.)

And yes, I know what you're thinking. We are living large over here on the other side of the pond (well - depending where you are reading this from). And I am not going to argue with you on that one. But here's the thing. We don't know what the future holds for us - if we will stay in Europe or end up back in the U.S. I would have to leave a in few years and realize I didn't take advantage of all that is right at my doorstep here (4 hours to Reims, 1.5 hour flight to Nice). And for now, we only have one kiddo, and it's manageable (but not always easy) to travel with him. (Did I mention the 6 weeks of vacation - that helps too!) So we are working hard to see the sights while we can. There's lots more on our list - so stay tuned to see where we end up next. :)

Friends & Happiness

Any time you move, you have to worry about how you are going to make friends. I've moved to enough new cities where we knew no one to know how important this part of making a new city your home is.

In our case, I knew that Simon was my ticket! I just wasn't sure where to enter. How do I find all these mommies and daddies out there? I found out quickly enough - Stalking! A few days after moving into our new neighborhood (July) I overheard a couple with a small baby (about one) speaking English (and not just English, American English.) I immediately panicked as they passed me and started crossing the street. Should I follow them? What will I say? Ah, worry later, I decided and started following. Halfway down the next block they stopped at a restaurant and I hovered until the "appropriate" moment and just blurted out, "Hi, you guys speak English? Do you live around here?" That conversation got me connected with a huge group of ex-pat parents (mostly, bus some Germans too!) that meet-up regularly at parks, cafes, swimming pools, zoos, etc. with the kiddos.

But we don't just do stuff with our kids. We are friends. We support each other. We provide resources to each other. And (most of us) share the common experience of being a foreigner here. We even try to meet up for drinks without the kids, and do occasional weekend brunches so our spouses get to meet as well.

I have also made friends through courses we (Simon and I) have done here, such as PEKIP and Babyschwimmen. Through this I have made close friends - as well as more acquaintances that I continue to speak German to. (I think being close friends and speaking German only are rather mutually exclusive at this point - but I'm working on it.) We have also made friends at the Spielcafe near our flat and at a Stilltreffen (breastfeeding group). I give Simon all the credit - he's so damn cute!

We already know more people here than any other place we have lived. At the park, in the Altstadt, or walking around our neighborhood I often run into people I know. We really feel like we are part of a community here. We have it all - FRIENDS & HAPPINESS!

Happy Birthday, Simon!

We just returned from a 3 1/2 week trip to the US where we celebrated Simon's birthday (twice, actually!). It was great to spend it with friends and family that we don't often get to see. It was especially great to meet my little nephew Dylan in Charleston. Although I should clarify, he's not little at all. He does not want to be left out of anything so he is catching up to Simon as fast as he can - he's amazing!

Our first stop was Charleston, SC, where Simon got to spend his actual birthday. He tried his first cupcake (it was ok, nothing special) and opened gifts. His parents watched in amazement as their little baby turned into a boy. It kind of felt like that. Somehow, in turning into a one-year-old, it seems like you are moving on, leaving a little baby behind. It doesn't matter if they walk or talk - it's all in the numbers, or at least that's how it feels to me. I could never have anticipated that I was so excited for his birthday - and I really was! (Although not excited enough to coordinate the cupcakes with the invite to his birthday party. Seriously - who does that?!?). We enjoyed the sunshine, went to some parks, saw the gators, and attended Folly Gras - check out this cute pic!

Due to some seriously poor planning, we left sunny and 80 degree Charleston for record snows and frigid temperatures in MN. (I want to talk to our travel agent!) But it was sooooo worth it. First of all, I cannot believe that there are people with children who live in the same place as their parents (the grandparents). What a goldmine! We had help! It was AMAZING! Grandpa and Grandma jumped at every opportunity to watch Simon, bathe Simon, take Simon swimming, etc. That gave parents (especially mama!) some much needed rest. I did YOGA! (I still can't get over it. Today is the first weekday back in Germany and I am feeling it - where's the help?)

Simon also had his second birthday party in MN with lots and lots of family! We even had friends from Dusseldorf who recently moved back - what a small world! Simon and I also took a quick road trip to Madison, WI to visit friends and filled up on plenty of good 'ol midwestern pie!

All in all, it feels great to be back home (Dusseldorf!). It feels great that I can call it home and that in the short time that we have been here we have managed to build the relationships that make it feel like home. It may be foreign - but it's home for now!

(I will add pics soon!)